- by Lori-Ann Caswell

On this day in 2007, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. That rocked me!  Nothing would ever be the same.

I chose to consider it not just as an awakening but as a rebirth -- a rebirth into a new and different life. When I was told I had an incurable disease, I realized for the first time that I was (SURPRISE!) not immortal. How much time did I have? Well, whatever it was, I wanted to LIVE it... every moment.

I've always been more of glass-half-full kind of person and the diagnosis kicked that into another gear: being present and engaged and accountable and conscious and living in gratitude for every moment became oh so important.I assessed my life and made major changes -- some tremendous and uplifting and some painful and difficult.

Nothing done perfectly. All worthy.

My "To Do" list -- so long I have to track the tasks in Excel -- reminds me of all those promises to keep, engagements coming up, deliveries due and calls to make. A recent post by a dear friend suggested we have a "to be" list reminding ourselves to be   -happy - calm - loving - healthy - awesome

I renamed my Excel worksheet "to BE and DO", included those words as "tasks" repeating them throughout the list and also added - living - hopeful - grateful

It's not that I need these "to BE" reminders. There's just something about typing them into my list and seeing them there every day that transforms mere words into AFFIRMATIONS, consciously REAL. All in CAPS and PINK. Of course.

Sure, I slump under a blanket and binge on cookies and ice cream and Netflix ignoring the tumbleweed-like dust bunnies lurking under the ottoman. I used to think this made me lazy and labelled myself a procrastinator. Oh, that sounds so negative! In actual fact, I do so knowing that sinking down into quiet and alone time restores my soul. Who knew Netflix binging was purposeful!

Whether volunteering out in the world or curled up alone in my wee home, I know each thing I do (or not do) is a conscious choice I make in gratitude .I have not lived these 16 years alone: my family and friends and countless health care providers have seen me through the most challenging of times and the most joyous. That alone is reason enough to feel immense gratitude!

I'm going to bake myself a cake today. Maybe the frosting will be PINK...

Peace xo